Getting back to feeling like me 

Before having Amelia I did quite a bit of regular excercise. I was not in any way a serious gym bunny but I was putting in a few hours a week. Me and my mum would go along to the gym a couple of evenings during the week so it was a workout and a catch up at the same time. It was our thing that we did together and we both enjoyed it.

Of course there were those days when one of us might not want to go but having one to encourage the other always helped. Once I had completed an hour or so workout I always felt better.

Having Mr P as a bit of a cyclist I also got out on my bike a little bit too. Early morning Sunday rides were a thing for a few months when training for Ride London 100 a few years ago and I actually learned to love the saddle. (Despite the early pains in a particular painful area!).

After having Amelia I took a break from the gym and in fact general excercise. Breastfeeding and maternity leave were my excuse. This was my time to enjoy a new type of life with a new baby and a new routine. Almost two years later I still seem to be on a break.

That first year was like a ‘year off’ from my real life. There was no real routine and we had no real structure to our days. It was great. I told myself I had an excuse to be a little bit lazier in the evenings. Getting up in the night for those first eight months meant I was planning my bedtime around when I thought I would be next waking up. The evenings were my time to rest. The weekends became the time we all spent as a family.

Fast forward a year and I am back at work and we do have much more routine and structure to our days. I am no longer getting up in the night with Amelia and just sitting down at the end of the day doesn’t always feel justified.

Of course there are those evenings where just sitting and chilling is much needed but there are nights when I think I could be doing something that will give that little boost and make me feel quite good the next morning.

For a while now I have felt sluggish and uncomfortable in myself and my appearance. I don’t always feel like I have a lot of energy and I feel like I could feel better in myself.

If I look back I know I should have gone back to the gym all those months ago. I seem to have been carried along on this wave of my evenings mostly being about not doing much.  I do have evenings out but these are social evenings and it doesn’t feel like I am doing anything to boost my energy and make myself feel good about myself. I know exercise does this for me.

I also think getting back to exercise will help me give me some better head space. It will give me the opportunity to clear some of the fog that can sometimes develop when working, bringing up a toddler and from general day to day life. Getting out and having an activity gives me something else to focus on and I always think gives me some time to put some things into perspective.

It is defiantly time for me to stop making excuses and bite the bullet. I want to feel better about myself and feel a little more like ‘me’ before having baby. I know exercising again will make me feel so much better and give me back a little of my energy levels that I can then give back to Amelia and the time we spend together.

I don’t want to feel sluggish anymore. I want to feel a bit more confident in myself and I how I feel each day. I am the only one who can do that so it’s time for me to make the changes.

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