Why it’s not okay to ask the baby question
January 29, 2018
Many of us have had the question. It usually starts shortly after some people get married, when your friends or siblings start to pop the babies out or defiantly after you hit 30.
‘When are you going to start having babies?’ Isn’t it time you started thinking about having a family? ‘It won’t be long before you will start to feel broody’ ‘aren’t you feeling broody yet?’ I had them all before in the years leading up to when I fell pregnant.
At first I would laugh them off but then it just started to irritate me. I knew I wanted to have children but for us it wasn’t our time yet.
I knew most people didn’t mean anything by it. They just saw somebody in a relationship of a certain age who they assumed would soon be thinking about babies. I just couldn’t help thinking why they thought it was okay to ask at all when they had no idea what was going on in my life at that time or if I even had plans to have babies at all.
I have personal experience of having trouble in those early days of trying for a baby and have friends who have taken longer to get pregnant for various different reasons. I can’t ever imagine asking somebody what their baby plans were knowing that they could easily be going through something that meant things weren’t as straight forward as we all assume it will be.
I don’t think people mean to be rude or be inappropriate, I just don’t think they think before asking the question or make assumptions. You have no idea what is going on in somebody’s life and it might be that they don’t feel comfortable in telling you so a conversation about children could be the hardest thing for them.
Isn’t it better to wait for them to tell you their future plans when they happen or when they feel comfortable to?
Wait for news from that first scan and share in their excitement. Or be there when they decide that you are one of the people they want to know that things aren’t going as planned and their journey hasn’t been as straight forward as they would have hoped.
The journey to being a parent isn’t always as straight forward as we would always hope and sometimes it takes time. We just all need to remember that.